Homerun

I'm swinging bats
and breakin stats
right outta your league.
So stretch
and beat the fatigue
so you can hear
my footsteps
and see my face
when I run past
you on home base.

You've become a blur
I can hardly see
So you can keep
those material
unfulfilling fastasies
because I can no longer see
I'm picking up so much speed.

You better get smart
and catch a head start
The stadium's closing
due to the rain.
There are more concerns
than your personal pain;
Death from starvation
or overpopulation,
priests with bruising hands
and dark plans,
death toils
over oil,
mass shootings
because of the spirit looting
by the popular flock snooting
the different,
murderous chemicals
that are polluting
our earth,
people buckling
from media sucking
away the life
from the happy
and feeding the pockets
of people
who have sockets
where hearts once beat.

So get up and run now
we all have to run now
we have no choice
but to voice
our gifts
and quickly sift
out the weak
who refuse to run strong
from all of the places
where we have gone wrong.

So let the strong sift you out
or run hard and shout
to crack the darkness.
Either way this part is done
I have broken my cast
I've seen the sun
and I'm celebrating now
because I made a homerun.

Stability? Ha.

My life has, once again, drastically changed. I was walking through La Vista (outside of Omaha) and I realized that I have done a workout in three different cities in the past month and a half. Yesterday I was walking through the flatlands of Nebraska. The sun was shining off of the streets and reflecting on my face as I walked next to the perfectly cut grass. Trucks and semis were driving by, parents picking up their kids from school, construction workers; you know the day to day stuff. In Brazil, I ran the hilly terrain amidst swarms of people getting from one place to another, children standing on the road begging for money, buses crammed full of people headed towards the different places in their lives; you know the day to day stuff. In Oklahoma the college students bustle from one sidewalk to another, chatting excitedly as school comes closer to an end, and the people that aren't tearing through the campus in their vehicles, are rolling around on their long boards. The wind blows spitefully violent as if its lover has left it for someone calmer. I have come to realize that while my heart resides in those cobblestone streets and within the simple hearts of those tan-toned people, I find all these places beautiful. When I visited my doctor in Edmond last week he seemed disappointed as I told him about my summer plans. He told me he wished I had more stability in my life. I just nodded and thought to myself “Yeah, doc, me too.” But truth is I wouldn’t know stability if it were staring me straight in the eyes, and even if I did recognize it I probably wouldn't know how to handle it. I have not had much stability in my life; and that is my stability.

So now my jogging has been replaced with chasing two precious children around my sister's house. The culprit is usually Carter, my 4 year old nephew. The follower is usually Kaylen, my 1 year old niece. Like I said, my life has changed. Instead of writing, I am playing cars on a race track. My calm morning cup of coffee has been replaced with a 1 year olds tiny finger fishing in my mug. My time on the internet has been replaced with sharpening my videogame skills (which are horribly blunt by the way). Instead of reading I play on a queen sized bed, and pretend that we are abandoned on a ship and that there are sharks waiting to devour us if we fall out (and that's while the kids are napping). My time in my headphones or on my iTunes has now been taken up with creepy singing bears that have their own original version of the ABCs.

The Lord's Sweetness can surely be found in these two when they smile. I cannot believe what it does to my heart when that little girl smiles that shy little smile at me. Or when the boy grins at something I said. Ah. If I were to say it melted - I would be underplaying my emotions. A couple of days ago I received an unexpected phone call. When I hung up I was very much shaken. I was holding the baby, so I sat down on the couch next to the one Carter was laying on. I allowed the realization of the phone call to weigh down on me as I sat down; so I started crying. After a little bit Carter said:

"Tia (Tia: aunt in Portuguese), are you sad?"

"Yeah, I am"

"Why?"

"Because my friend was ugly and said some mean things to me"

"What kind of mean things?"

I tried to think of things that he would understand, so I picked things my sister reprimands him for saying.

"Hum...like Shut up, go away, and I don't like you"

I was stupefied at how silly that sounded and wished that was all we "adults" said to hurt each other. If there was something I could do to keep this boy from knowing only those kinds of words, I would. But I figure someday more than those words will hurt him, but until then I can pretend like I can protect him.

"Oh."

Silence. Meanwhile, Kaylen was placing her little index finger on every single tear that fell onto my cheeks and wiping it away (which of course made me cry more).

Carter was curious.

"So is he a mom or a dad?"

Which I guess was his way of asking the maturity level of this person.

"He's Tia's age."

He was quiet for a minute and then he said:

"One day I'll be bigger than him."

"You will?"

"Yeah. And I will be a good grown-up"

My heart almost exploded at this point.

"You will? You won't say mean things and make people cry?"

"Yeah."

We were quiet for a little bit. Apparently his mind was working in over-drive over there on that couch, because he said:

"I think he'll say sorry. Maybe when he's eight or nine. Or maybe ten."

"You think so?"

"Yeah. How old is he?"

I told him.

"Okay. Let's start at the beginning." (He sticks out his fingers; this means we are now going to count) "Does he count in English or French?"

That was completely random.

"He counts in English."

"I can count in Spanish, English, and....hum, Portuguese."

"Yeah you can!"

More silence for a bit.

"Maybe a song will make you feel better."

"Yeah I think it will. Can you sing me one?"

"No. We can only sing at the nighttime."

Another random one.

So some time went by, I put Kaylen down to sleep and I came back.

"Tia are you still sad?"

"Yeah."

"Well, we can't play videogames until you stop crying."

This is what we tell him when he is throwing a fit.

"Okay."

Some time goes by.

"Are you ready for our big game of Pac-man?" he asks me.

I felt better. These two kids of 1 and 4 single handedly made me feel better. One just touched my tears with her baby finger and the other used his 4-year old wisdom to reassure me. It's unbelievable how better these two made me feel, even though they had no experience with "calming someone down". It amazes me so much how much love little kids possess within them and how they show it. This time here has been a much needed break from the drama of adult lives. Like I said, my life has changed drastically.