A Lovely Night

The moon was full. It looked down on me so bright. It was showing off it's thick and rich shine with bursts of streams of light through the dark rain clouds as they rolled by. The air felt like a night on the shore of a beach in Brasil. I could almost smell the ocean and feel the salt lingering on my skin. I was almost at peace. The flags clanked against the tall and heavy flagpoles. There was no other noise. Just the wind. My head was clear of any thoughts.
Except the light of the moon and the sounds of the empty parking lot.
The night was so lonely
and so lovely.

My clothes were filthy and the woman at the checkout aisle complimented my coconut ring. There was a couple from Oklahoma Christian in front of me in line. The guy smiled at me. The girl was focused on...her groceries, I guess. I recognized them. They didn't see how tired I was. I walked past the door greeter. She was slightly bent over and her shiny silver hair fell behind her shoulders, except for a couple of rebelious strands. Her glasses and her smile revealed she was probably in her 60s. She was sneaking in a text on her phone. Someone on the receiving side of that text
probably loves her.

I walk out into the night and it was raining. I appreciated the comradery of the sky matching the weather to my mood. The cold rain brushed my skin as if it was trying to clean my dirty clothes. But it couldn't clean my soul. It would have to rain so much harder. Even then... I could walk through the heaviest rain storm dropped by the most menacing clouds.
All it would do is make
my fingertips soggy.

His voice on my messages sent a chill through my skin. I could hear the mistaken conviction in his voice. That helped me shake off the chill. I endulged in the innocence of moons past. Three times. Then I deleted. How long have I been endulging on this mold? I have my grocery bags filled with sugar and a fresh pack, both meant to comfort me. This morning the preacher
said we glorify God with EVERY dollar we spend.
Yeah... I am just
a shining success.

The wind violently shook my car. Maybe it was trying to rock me into a lull as it slapped my cheek with the rain through the open crack in my window. Maybe it was trying to show me discipline and comfort, but it was confused about the order of such endeavors. Who cares. It was raining now.
It smelled like the earth and the
streets were getting purified.
I wasn't though.

My apartment was empty. I recognized it. The wind blew me in as I pushed the door open with my foot. It always drags on the carpet. I would have them fix it, but it's my flaw. I like it. The flaw whispers reassurance that I have a spot where the wind can't slap it's discipline onto my face with rain.
The apartment was so quiet when I closed out
the howling wind with the heavy door.
It's such a lovely night.
Such a lonely night.